I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
