Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
