I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
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I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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