I wanna bring you to show and tell
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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