I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
