THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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