You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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