I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
where are my eyebrows?
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