you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
