Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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