it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
