The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
