and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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