You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
