I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
