New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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