glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
