You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
