hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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