There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
