There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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