it wasn't lemon gatorade
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
