I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
