Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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