Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
