i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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