Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
