I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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