haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
