i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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