Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize