Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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