I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
