Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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