i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we're making bets on your personal life
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
