She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
