Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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