oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
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Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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