but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
