Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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