You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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