me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
