i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
