There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
