if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
