obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
