this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
