i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
