He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
