6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You are a genius and a whore.
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