Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
