i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
