The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
