dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
