Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
