she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
