I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Randomize
