u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
