my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
