so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
