I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
