no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
