fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
