He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
