A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
