did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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