The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
