Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
