Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
