I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He did a backflip because drugs
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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